We're facebook friends in real life
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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