Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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