dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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