I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
