No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
