Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
