just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
