Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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