I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
