I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
