I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
