i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
