Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
