Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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