I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
where are you?
Hypothermia
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
