i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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