A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
