dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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