Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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