No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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