This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
