Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need water and some morals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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