ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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