thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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