Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
