dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
