My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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