I just made out with a guy for $7.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
