it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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