My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
