i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
