Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
