AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
