Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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