Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
