He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
