Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
