she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
