actually, I'm a sock model
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
