Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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