On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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