You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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