They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
