if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
