Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
