9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
