So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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