As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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