Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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