Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
