just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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