Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
