dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
