I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
