We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
