It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
