life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
