Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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