I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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