Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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