Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
