So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize