in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
