Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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