I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
