last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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