Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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